Day of the Triforce
by UltrafanX
Summary: Yeah, my first Zelda fic! Anyway, do to some ancient Hylian Holiday, Zelda, Ganon, and Link, cannot use there Triforce Powers for the rest of the day! Will they be force to get along for a whole day? And, if so, will they survive that day?
1. No Triforce Bad for Link!

Disclaimer: Yes I DO own the Legend of Zelda and all related titles and/or logos. I own Zelda, Gannondorf, Link, and all the rest! I have locked them up downstairs in my basement! They are having a party, but I still own them! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!-  
  
Agent 61 (Random Nintendian agent): There he is! Get him!!!  
  
Meep!! Uh, I don't own anything! It was the other Ultrafan! Bye!!!! (Escapes by riding away on Epona)  
  
Camomon: And now, on with the fic!  
  
Agent 61: I see you , dog boy!  
  
Camomon: Eep! (Also runs away)  
  
Note: The following fanfic has no actual plot (Well, it does, but it's been covered up by far too many plotholes and doughnut stains) It is purely for entertainment, and if you do not agree with my form of comedy, I will be forced to beat you over the head with my laser sword and throw you into my bottomless pit of redeads! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! Also, I actually got the idea and name for this story from an old The Legend of Zelda comic, so don't ask about that! So, now that we got that all cleared up-  
  
Audience Member: Get on with it!  
  
Random Pirate: Yarr, get on wit' it!!!  
  
Moblins: Yeah!!!!!  
  
Pikachu: Don't make us bash you upside the head like you've done to oh so many Sonic the Hedgehog characters!!!  
  
O____O Right'o then! Here come the fic!  
  
Ganon's Tower, 11:49 AM  
  
(In the far away land of Hyrule-  
  
Audience: Get on with it!!!  
  
(O____O Uh, right! Anyway, Link and Ganondorf were having one of there random battles for the fate of Hyrule (So what else is new?). Zelda is trapped in a cage and is watching the two battle)  
  
Zelda: Get him, Link! Thrust, Parry! Come on, beat his @$$!  
  
Link: (Blocking Ganondorf's sword with Mirror Shield) Not helping! NOT HELPING!!!!   
  
Ganondorf: (I'm just gonna put ganon, K) Give it up, boy! You've beaten my @$$ and sealed me away exactly five times! As far as I'm concerned, I'm due for a victory! Besides, if you beat me, I'll just turn into a giant pig, like I always do!! Mwahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: Not today! This time, I brought this! (Takes out a mysterious spray can with Hylian writting on it)  
  
Ganon: Oh no! Not Lon Lon Ranch Pig-Repellent!!!  
  
Link: Actually, it's just rich, chocolate Ovaltine (DON"T OWN), but it has the same effect!   
  
Zelda: Good going! That'll teach that green jerk!  
  
Link: Uh, are you talking about me or him?  
  
Zelda: Um, him?  
  
Link: O__O Okay!  
  
Ganon: Hmm, well played, Clerks.  
  
Link: Booyah! I win again!  
  
Ganono: Not so fast! You may have stopped me from becoming a pig, but I also brought some reinforcements! (Takes out another spray can written in crayon) Behold!!! Uh, my can of, er, um, Super Evil, uh, Master Sword Repellent, stuff. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: O___o  
  
Zelda: -_____- That's just Pinesol (Don't Own!!!) with a crappy label on it!  
  
Ganon: =( Yeah, well- (Grabs Master Sword and throws it out window) There! The Master Sword is gone! I have taken it and placed it in a place where you cannot use it! I have stolen it and made it of no use to you by where I have put it! Now there will be no more Master Swordery! No one can use the master sword, and without it, I will rule the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: O__________________________________________O What?  
  
Zelda: Well, now you've both lost your trademark weapon/ability. I guess the only thing to do now is have a rational, civilized-  
  
Link&Ganon: TRIFORCE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Both of them point their triforce symbol at each other. They then begin shooting random blasts of golden energy at each other)  
  
Zelda: -___- What is this, Dragon Ball Z? Since when could the Triforce shoot blasts of energy?  
  
Ganon: (Still blasting Link) I learned about it while I was in the Sacred Realm.  
  
Link: (Fires ring of blast at Ganon) And I figured it out while I was spacing out in the Kokiri Forest!  
  
Zelda: Oh. Well, can I do that and possibly brake out of this cage?  
  
Link: (Fires multiple blasts at Ganon) Not really. You needed to practice a lot.  
  
Ganon: (Fires giant energy dragon at Link) It took me twenty years to do that move!!!! Twenty Years!!!!!  
  
Zelda: Grr!  
  
Time, 11: 59 PM  
  
(As the two muscle-brained Triforce Bearers continue to fight each other, both of their Triforce Marks, as well as Zelda's, begin to grow dim)  
  
Zelda: (Notices Tirforce Mark dimming) Uh, guys? I think you might wanta see this.  
  
Link: Talk later!!! Kinda busy!!!  
  
Ganon: Die, Kin of the Light World!!!!  
  
12:00 AM  
  
(The Triforce Symbols on Link, Ganon, and Zelda's hands go from gold to black. Also, Link and Ganon stop using energy blasts)  
  
Ganon: (Tires to use energy blast, but fails) Aw man, outta juice! This is such a rip!!!  
  
Link: (Also tries, but fails) Hey, who turned the reality back on?   
  
UltrafanX: Don't look at me! I was for the crazy laser fight! (Flys away on Valoo the Magic Dragon)  
  
Ganon&Zelda: O_______O  
  
Link: People, you're missing the big picture! No Triforce ring any bells?  
  
Ganon: The stupid one is right!  
  
Link: See? (Realizes he was insulted) HEY!!!!!  
  
Ganon: I'm feeling really drained, like my Triforce powers are gone!  
  
Link: Hey, me to! I'm feeling slightly more cowrdly and have a strange urge to hide behind something.  
  
Zelda: And I can't remember how to reassemble the atoms in a nuclear composite of a radioactive compound!  
  
Link&Ganon: O___o  
  
Zelda: Hey, this is a serious problem!!!!!  
  
Ganon: Hmm, our Triforce powers seem to be gone. How very odd. There's only one way to solve this. To the Library, old chums!!!!   
  
(A Triforce symbol is shown in front of a crazy, swirling background, in a very Batman-esk way)  
  
12:12 AM  
  
(The three our now in Ganon's private library. Zelda is now trying to look up the cause of this strange loss of power. Suprisingly, she is still in a cage, though not the same cage)  
  
Link: So, what's causing the problem? Is it something about my crazy tunic? Navi trying to destroy the world? Or is it just another crazy plotpoint?  
  
Zelda: I'm looking. I can't seem to find any books about the Triforce in here. By the goddesses, Ganon, how much Playboy does one man need?!?!?  
  
Ganon: O____O Uh, well-  
  
Link: Ha ha, busted!  
  
Ganon: Look who's talking! Lask time I checked, you had like five girlfriends!!!  
  
Link: I'll shut up now.  
  
Zelda: Finally. Ahh, here we go! (Takes out a book called "The HitchHikers Guide to the Triforce", which has the words "Don't Panic" written in large, friendly, Hylian letters) Hmm, here we go! If Triforce suddenly stops working, contact customer service line via magick portals. That's odd.  
  
Ganon: Got it covered! (Opens up an evil portal to Customer Service Realm, where the three are met face to face with, Duh Duh Duh, Tingle!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!)  
  
Tingle: Customer service! How may I help you!  
  
Link: Tingle? That you in there?  
  
Tingle: Yes! I've got a new summer job! It's great, except that, because I know everything, I have to be memory wiped before I can return to Hyrule! Isn't that grand!  
  
Ganon: Who's the freak in the leotard?  
  
Link: Uh, friend of mine. Actually, he's not as much of a friend as an annoyance. He kinda creeps me out, too. (To Tingle) So anyway, we need help. Our Triforces stopped working and we heard you could help us.  
  
Tingle: That I can! Here you are! (Gives all of them strange little pamphlets) Those should help you! Well, have fun! Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah!!!!!! (Creates a giant explosion, but when the smoke clears, he's still there) Oh to hell with it! (Walks out the door)  
  
Link: Wow, how very un-tingle-like.  
  
Tingle: (Comes back in) Up your! (Leaves again)  
  
Ganon: I like him better this way!  
  
Zelda; Hmm, Interesting.  
  
Link: What? What's interesting? WE MUST KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Zelda: (Throws boomarang at Link) Keep it down! (Continues to read) Okay, I think I know what's going on!  
  
Ganon: Huzzahs are in order!  
  
Zelda: Not really. According to this, we're experiencing a Day of the Triforce.  
  
Link: O___O A day of the whaza?  
  
Zelda: A Day of the Triforce. During one of these days, which occurs once a decade, the Triforce and it's three piece lose their powers.  
  
Ganon: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Link: I don't get it! Why would the Triforce stop working?  
  
Zelda: It doesn't say. In fact, the rest of the pamphlet is just an advertisement for Tingle's Maps and Oxiclean (DON'T OWN!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF FANFIC, DON'T OWN!!!!!)  
  
Ganon: So, what you think you just explained to us is-  
  
Zelda: Correct! For the rest of the day, we won't be able to use our Triforces.  
  
Ganon&Link: O________________________________________O  
  
Zelda: Well, I guess you'll just have to have an all-out brawl to decide who dies.  
  
Ganon: No way! It's no fun to pound pretty boy without the Triforce of Power!  
  
Link: And without the Triforce of Beauty, I can already feel my youth leaving me!!! Oh why!?!?!?!  
  
Zelda: You mean the Triforce of Courage, right?  
  
Link: Right, what'd I say?  
  
Zelda: So, neither of you are gonna fight for the rest of the day?  
  
Link: Well I'm not fighting if he's not fighting!  
  
Ganon: And I'm not fighting if he's not fighting!  
  
Link: And I'm not fighting if Fred's not fighting!  
  
Ganon: Who's Fred?  
  
Link: Oh, that's what I named my Triforce symbol!  
  
Ganon: Really? I named mine Rex the IV!  
  
Link: Well that's a really nice-  
  
Zelda: Alright! So neither of you are fighting?  
  
Ganon: I guess not.  
  
Link: No.  
  
Zelda: THEN WILL SOMEBODY LET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID CAGE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Link&Ganon:O________O Uh, right. We knew that!  
  
UltrafanX: Oh boy! It looks like them duke boys are in one helluva fix! Sure hope tommorow comes soon, cause if it doesn't, the whole groups gonna have to learn to get along!  
  
Zelda, Link, & Ganon: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
UltrafanX: Silence! I own you, and you'll do whatever I want!  
  
Agent 61: ALRIGHT, Ultrafan! We know you've got the majority of the cast of The Legend of Zelda in there! Come out with you Darth Vader PEZ up!!!  
  
UltrafanX: NEVER!!! I'll defy you till the day I go to College!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Camomon: Will Zelda, Link, and Ganon survive a whole day together? Will UltrafanX defy Nintendo till the day he dies, er, the day he goes to college?  
  
UltrafanX: No. In fact, I give.  
  
Agent 61: You do?  
  
UltrafanX: Yeah! I give you a hand grenade! (Blows Agent up with bomb) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Camomon: -___- I guess so. Well, to find out what happens to the Zelda cast, you'll have to wait for the next chapter!!! Remember to R&R!!!!!  
  
UltrafanX: Snooch to the Nooch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. HISTORICALLY CORRECT MAN!

Disclaimer: Contrary to what I've been telling you, I do not own the Legend of Zelda. This doesn't mean that I still wouldn't like to own the Legend of Zelda, it just means I don't own it. If you have any information on how to obtain the rights to LoZ, or if you would just like to join my insane cult, please cal l-900-556-67263. That's 1-900-556-NSANE!  
  
UltrafanX: Welcome back, wallowing fleshbags! If you don't remember what happened last chapter, TOUGH COOKIES! HAHAHA!!! Seriously, though, last time, our heroes and villan discovered that, for the rest of the day, they won't be able to use the power of their Triforce! It also means they have less of the quality their Triforce represents!  
  
Camomon: Ain't that just a kick in the teeth?  
  
UX: By the way, this is my Digimon friend, Camomon, for those of you confused by his presence. Camomon, say hello to the nice folk!  
  
Camomon: Yeah! Power to the fairies! I am so wasted right now.  
  
UX: O___O Anywho, also last chapter, Link and Ganon decided, since a battle without the Triforce would be long and messy, that they won't fight for the rest of the day! Oh no!  
  
Camomon: Also also, Tingle got a much needed touch of additude and baditude!  
  
Tingle: Bite me, dog boy!  
  
UX: How did you get past my elite guards?!?!  
  
Tingle: The only thing I saw even close to guards were you friends Nights and Beat reading Highlights for Children. Stupid!  
  
Camomon: Oh great, now we're stuck with the F***ing fairy for the rest of the fic!  
  
UX: (Thinking: Hmm, Beat and Nights must be slacking off if they didn't even bother trying to beat up tingle. Time for a paycut! =)) Well, I guess you guys out there must be pretty bored by my rambling-  
  
(Everyone in the audience is holding pitchforks or flaming sticks)  
  
UX: so I'll start the fic!  
  
Tingle: Bite my shiny, christmas tree green-  
  
UX: By the way! Thank's to everyone who reviewed Chapter one. You guys rule!  
  
Hyrule Castle, 1:45 AM  
  
(The our three heroes-  
  
Ganon: Hey! I'm not a hero! I'm the antagonist, ya stupid canoli!  
  
UX: Hey, I'm one half Italian, and I find that offensive! (Strikes Ganon with lightning bolt)  
  
Ganon: O___O I'll be good.  
  
UX: Much better'a!  
  
(Anyway, our three HEROES are now walking into Hyrule Castle. The king and everyone else in the castle are asleep, so they are the only people awake)  
  
Link: Ooh, spooky noochies!  
  
Ganon: Link, do all three of a huge favor and be quiet!  
  
Link&Zelda: SHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: O___O Sorry.  
  
Zelda: (sighs) Well, no one in the castle will be up for hours, and I doubt anyway else is up.  
  
Link: I'll bet Dampe's up! But I don't really like him much. He smells funny, kinda like Tingle!  
  
Tingle: Bite me, airhead! (Flies away yet again)  
  
Zelda: Link, after this whole thing's over, can I borrow your bow?  
  
Link: Not if I shoot him first!  
  
Ganon: Yeah, he's starting to piss me off too. (To Princess Zelda) Well, you're the brains of our club. Think of something to do!  
  
Zelda: I told you, without my Triforce, I'm not as smart as I usually am.  
  
Link: =) Really?  
  
Zelda: I'm not THAT dumb, though.  
  
Link: Rats.  
  
Ganon: Aw crud.  
  
Kaepora Gaebora: Son of a-  
  
Link:O___O Oh my gosh, it's Keapola Gebura!  
  
KG: That's Kaepora- Oh never mind.  
  
Ganon: Hey, it's that annoying owl! What are you doing here?  
  
KG: I come and go as I please. (Looks around suspiciously) Sooo, you guys wanta get high? (Holds out a blunt)  
  
Zelda: No.  
  
Ganon: Not really.  
  
Link: Well-  
  
Ganon&Zelda: LINK!!!!  
  
Link: Sorry.  
  
KG: Come on, drugs can blurr your perception of the passage of time!  
  
Ganon: Really?  
  
Zelda: So, in theory, we could get high and skip this goddeses forsaken day in the blink of an eye?  
  
KG: Well, technically, but-  
  
Link: I'll take all you've got!  
  
Ganon: Yeah, I'll take a bushel or a pound or whatever! Princess, pay the bird!  
  
Zelda: O__o Well, okay, but this better work!  
  
Ganon: (Holding a blunt) Link, light this, won't you?  
  
Link: With pleasure, my about to be stoned friends!  
  
(Later)  
  
(The three are now spacing out on the floor)  
  
Link: *____* Dude. I have, like, five hands. No, wait, fingers. That is awsome!  
  
Ganon: Dude, what the f*** is up with the Triforce. It's not a force, and it's, like, not a tri. So, what is ti?  
  
Zelda: Cats. I think it's cats. Or maybe forks.  
  
Link: Dude, you really are the wisdom thing. (Passes out)  
  
Ganon: That's cause for another smoke!  
  
(Even later)  
  
(The group is now burned out on the floor)  
  
Link: Oh man, of all the crazy hangovers I've ever experienced, this is the third worst!  
  
Ganon: Dude, what's the f***ing deal with the Triforce. I mean-  
  
Zelda: Ganon, you already said that. Shut up!  
  
Link: On the plus side, at least that horrible Triforce thing is finally over.  
  
KG: You guys have only been high for ten minutes. (Points to clock, which reads 1:56 AM)  
  
Ganon: Aw sh*t!  
  
Zelda: All that getting wasted for nothing!  
  
Link: Well it wouldn't have been for nothing if someone had of been willing to take her clothes off.  
  
Zelda: (Slaps Link)  
  
Ganon: No fair! How come she gets to beat up on Peter Pan?  
  
Zelda: You two decided not to fight, remember?  
  
Ganon: I don't remember anything before that pot party except my name and that I hate him. Hey, you wanta go out?  
  
Link: Stay away from my woman, old man! (Gets slapped by both of them)  
  
Ganon: Oh yeah, that felt good.  
  
Link: Wait! That blow to the head jogged my memory! (Takes out his Ocarina) Behold!  
  
Zelda: Oh boy!  
  
Ganon: Is that what I think it is?  
  
Link: Correct! It's the wind waker! (Realizes his mistake) Er, I mean the Ocarina of Time!  
  
Zelda&Ganon: Oh boy!  
  
Link: All I have to do is play the song of time and we can skip to tommorow and continue our battle to the death!  
  
Zelda: -__- And your telling us you didn't think of this sooner?  
  
Link: Neither did you.  
  
Ganon: He got you there, princess! BAM!  
  
Zelda: (Slaps both of them) All right, Link, play the Ocarina and get us out of this horrible plotline!  
  
Link: You got it, baby! (Is about to play Ocarina, when-)  
  
UX: Yoink! (Steals Ocarina)  
  
Link: Hey, my tennis stick! I mean ocarina! Give it back!  
  
UX: I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.  
  
Ganon: Who's Dave? And who the f*** are you?  
  
UX: Ganon, your casual swearing is starting to get me in trouble with the cencorship board. KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL BLAST YOU AGAIN!  
  
Ganon: Sorry master.  
  
Zelda: Who are you, anyway? And why do you keep popping up in random places?  
  
UX: I am ULTRAFANX, THE ULTIMATE FAN IN TERMS OF MOVIES, GAMES, AND OTHER THINGS!!!! I'm also the one who put you in the sad situation!  
  
Link: You did?  
  
Ganon: Get 'im! (Is zapped by lightning) I get the point, I'll shut up.  
  
UX: Much better. Anyway, if you guys get out of this situation, then the fic will end and I won't get any more reviews! And NO ONE wants that!  
  
Zelda: What about us?  
  
UX: Do you review my fic?  
  
Link: We're IN your fic!  
  
UX: If you don't contribute to my fanbase, then I don't recognize you! And now, I leave you to your day of horror! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Flies away, this time riding on the weird dragon from the neverending story. Why? BECAUSE I CAN!)  
  
Link&Zelda: O________________O  
  
Ganon: There goes the baddest man I've ever seen. Well, next to me.  
  
2:12 AM  
  
(The gang is now lounging around Zelda's room, still incredibly bored)  
  
Link: Sooooooooooooo BORED!  
  
Ganon: I can't take it anymore! I'm hanging myself!  
  
Zelda: Ganon, that didn't work the last sixteen times, so why in the name of Nayru would it work this time?  
  
Ganon: B-but, I'm SOOOOOO bored!  
  
Zelda: There must be some way you and Link can kill each other in a highly stylized way with lots of cool powers.  
  
Link: (Lightbulb appears above Link's head) I have an idea!  
  
Historically Correct Man (A creepy dude wearing a creepy super hero suit. Creepy!): (Flies into window) Hold it, Young Man!  
  
Ganon: Who the Funk and Wagnalls are you?  
  
HCM: I'm HISTORICALLY CORRECT MAN Man man man man!  
  
Zelda: Do you have to say 'man' over and over again?  
  
HCM: As a matter of fact I do! Now, in Hyrule, there's no such thing as Lightbulbs! But if you want, you can use this fashionable candle! (Gives Link a candle)  
  
Link: Hmmm.  
  
(Five minutes later, Historically Correct Man is suspended over a vat of boiling oil and crocodiles, even though that doesn't make sense. Luckily, I got rid of the super hero who governs the Laws of Physics, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!)  
  
HCM: Uh-oh. Things are not looking good for HISTORICALLY CORRECT MAN Man man man man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: Cram it, Turtle Boy! (Throws boot at him)  
  
Zelda: Nice work, Link. Now, what was your plan?  
  
Link: Plan?  
  
Zelda: You know, your plan to let you and Ganon have a super cool fight!  
  
Ganon: Yeah, spill it!  
  
Link: Uh, I kinda forgot. I was having so much fun torturing Historically Correct Man, it must have slipped outof my mind.  
  
Zelda&Ganon: Do'h!!!!!!!!  
  
UltrafanX: Well, it looks like the crews in deep Dodongo Sh*t! Will Link remember his most-likely unbrilliant plan?  
  
Camomon: No.  
  
UltrafanX: Will they be able to reclaim the Ocarina of Time from my grasp?  
  
Camomon: Obviously no.  
  
UX: Will all three of them be able to live through this crappy day?  
  
Tingle: For the last Frickin' time, no! You sack of crap!  
  
Camomon: And will we survive the rest of this fic with Tingle around. I hope so!  
  
UX: To find out what happens, keep reading The Day of the Triforce!  
  
Camomon: Please R&R! We love reviews! 


	3. HULK SMASH!

Disclaimer: No I do not own the Legend of Zelda. So stop bothering me, you crazy kids! Play on my yard, will ya! I'll bash ya spine so bad you'll be an invertebrate! Just like that there SpongeJim fella! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!  
  
UltrafanX: Yeah! You came back, despite my verbal threats of pain!!!  
  
Camomon: Verbal threats?  
  
UX: O__O;; Uh, never mind! Anyway, if your still reading, it means my English teacher was wrong and I'm not a failure in terms of Language Arts!!! HOORAY!  
  
Camomon: Just review what happened last chapter, ya foo!  
  
UX: Righty'o! Anyway, last time on my insane fic, Link, Zelda, and Ganon the Cannon had were forced to act civilized for a whole day because they lost there Triforce. This is good for me, because it means my fic will go on longer! YEAH!  
  
Camomon: Unfortunately, after several blows to the head and a pot party, Link thought of an idea to let Ganon and himself fight with really cool special effects without the Triforce. Oh no!  
  
UX: Luckily, Link suddenly forgot his plan, so my fic is safe for at least one more chapter!  
  
Camomon: Also, we're experiecncing our own technical difficulties. You see, we gave Tingle a tough New York attitude and now he's barged his way into the studio, so we're stuck with him!  
  
Tingle: Cram it, Lunch Box!  
  
UX: By the way, thank's for all your reviews and stuff! I can always use more fairy be gone! By the way, I don't actually have a "Take over Nintendo" club or a phone number. But who cares!?!?! So, yes, you can all join my crazy club!  
  
Camomon: Let's PAR-TAH!!!!!!!  
  
Tingle: Shut up, you son of a bitch!  
  
Camomon: I don't care if that was politically correct! Yo going down, Fat boy!!!  
  
UX: O__o??? While we deal with this annoyance, why don't you watch the hilarious antics going down at Hyrule castle! Enjoy!  
  
Camomon: Don't laugh too hard, though, or you'll hurt yourself like last time!  
  
Tingle: Shut the F*** up, Loser!!!  
  
UX: Grab him! He'll compromise the PG-13 rating!  
  
Hyrule Castle, 2:43 AM  
  
(Zelda and Ganon are both trying to help Link remember his plan)  
  
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(More to the point, Zelda and Ganon were beating Link's head in to help jog his memory)  
  
Zelda (Dressed as Sheik): (Is beating Link upside the headed) I don't get it! This always worked in the Ocarina of Time! Remember anything yet Link?!?  
  
Link: No. Although I do remember I'm a hemophiliac. Ouch!  
  
Ganon: (Has ordered his Moblin army to beat up on Link) Nice try, Kokiri Squirt.  
  
Link: I'm not- Yeouch!!!!- A Kokiri! How exactly is this helping?  
  
Zelda: Well, you got your idea when we bashed you on the noggin, so maybe doing it over and over again will help you remember!  
  
Link: That's not a very smart idea. I mean, instead of remembering my idea, what if I get brain damage?  
  
Zelda: O___O Oh well. (Continues to beat Link)  
  
Ganon: =( This isn't working! Wait, my brain! It feels all tingly!!  
  
Tingle: Shut up, Fatboy!!!  
  
UX: Get him! (Chases Tingle off screen)  
  
Link&Ganon: O_______________O  
  
Zelda: Man that guy's weird! So Ganon, what were you saying?  
  
Ganon: Oh yeah, I got an idea!  
  
Link: An idea to let us fight without the Triforce?  
  
Ganon: No!!! An idea to help you remember your idea! (Transforms into giant pig form and smashes Link over the head with a very larger boulder, knocking Link unconscious) There! Problem solved!  
  
Zelda: O_____O What will that do!?!?!?  
  
Ganon: O__O;;; Well, little hits weren't helping him remember, so I thought maybe one big one would!  
  
Zelda: -________- Whatever, let's help him up. Change back to normal.  
  
Ganon: O___O Uh, come again?  
  
Zelda: You know? Change back into Ganondorf.  
  
Ganon: I can't.  
  
Zelda: O___O WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Ganon: Well, it takes about an hour to change back from pig form. You know, like the fusion dance! Link always defeats me, though, so I have plenty of time to change back in the sacred realm or hell or where ever you guys keep sealing me away. I don't know!  
  
Zelda: O__O So, what your telling me I'm stuck with an oversized Moblin and an unconcious Hero of Time?  
  
Ganon: Yeah, pretty much. Hey, does this mean I finally defeat Green-Boy?  
  
Zelda: Well, technically, yes, but he wasn't really fighting back, so-  
  
Ganon: Hooray!!!! I DEFEATED THE UNBEATABLE LINK!!!!! LINK 5, GANON 3! I'M ON FIRE, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: (Is slowly coming to) Ow, my head!  
  
Ganon: Rats!  
  
Link: Ahhh!!! Giant Pigs?!?! And a creepy chick in some blue mummy robe thing!?!?! I must be on an alien spaceship! I'll never forget this for as long as a I live!!! O____O Where am I again?  
  
Zelda: No, Link, it's just me and Ganon. Your in Hyrule Castle, remember? Now, what's your plan?  
  
Link: Who is Link? I don't remember anything except being bashed on the head!  
  
Ganon: You and me both, brother!  
  
Zelda: Oh great! Link has amnesia and your stuck as a giant pig! What else could go wrong!?!?!?  
  
(Suddenly, the Incredible Hulk smashes through the wall, holding a tank)  
  
Incredible Hulk: HULK MAD!!! HULK SMASH!!!!!!!! (Throws tank against wall)  
  
Link: Ahhh!!!! It's the jolly green giant!!!!! Hide me!! (Hides behind Zelda)  
  
Zelda: (Sighs) You've lost the Triforce of Courage, that's for sure.  
  
Ganon: Now hold on, Hulk. You can't bully my nemeses with your fancy, gamma-inhanced abilities and strengths!  
  
Hulk: HULK SMASH PIG MAN!!!!!!!! (Punches Ganon in the face)  
  
Ganon: =( Alright, Green Machine. Now you get yours!!! (Gets into a giant brawl with the Hulk)  
  
Zelda: Well, at least it's keep him pre-occupied.  
  
Impa: (Has just woken up) Link? Zelda? Are you too back from the horrible battle with Ganon yet? I thought it would take longer.  
  
Zelda: O__O;; Uh, the battle! Right! Well, you see- (Sounds of Ganon and the Hulk fighting are heard in the background)  
  
Ganon: (Punching Hulk in the head) What you got? You got nothin', boih!!!!  
  
Impa: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that Ganon, the Prince of Darkness, and the Incredible Hulk boxing inside of the castle?  
  
Link: Who are you? Do you know this Link guy everyone keeps talking about?  
  
Impa: O___o Zelda, you got some splain' to do!  
  
Zelda: =(  
  
(Ganon has just knocked the Hulk back into the only remaining wall, causing him to transform back into Bruce Banner)  
  
Bruce Banner: O____O I'm alive!! Thank goodness I'm alive!! I'm so happy to- (Is crushed under Ganon's foot)  
  
Ganon: (Smushing him like a bug) Die, tiny man, die!  
  
Zelda: Ganon! You just killed Bruce Banner!!  
  
Ganon: O___O;;; Uh, I think he was turning back into the evil Hulk. Good deed accomplished?  
  
3:34 AM  
  
(Ganon has now changed back into his human form and is now sitting at a table with Zelda, Link, and Impa, as Zelda tried to explain the situation and is now dressed in her normal Princess Zelda clothes, instead of her Shiek costume)  
  
Zelda: And after the crazed fanfic writer stole the ocarina of time, Link got an idea to let him and Ganon fight, but then he forgot it. We tried to hit him in the head a lot so he'd remember the idea but all it did was give him amnesia!  
  
Ganon: And that's when the Hulk came in!  
  
Zelda: So now, we have to all get along for the rest of the day, or else- Hey, why aren't we fighting anyway?  
  
Ganon: Beside mortal combat being boring? Well, there's that crazy author who'll probably kill us!  
  
UX: Oh, Ganondorf! Oh course I won't kill! I wouldn't kill my three favorite LoZ Characters! My three favorite Sonic characters is another story, though! =) (Leaves yet again)  
  
Impa: O______________________O Well, I don't know how to solve all that other stuff, but I do know how to get Link's memory back! =)  
  
3:47 AM  
  
(Link is now suspended over a pit of Octoroks and bloody water. Instead of his regular shoes, he is wearing triple strength, adamantium infused Iron Boots)  
  
Zelda: O____o I really don't think this will help him get his memory back.  
  
Link: GUYS!?!?! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: But it's not boring!!  
  
Impa: Yeah, where's your sense of humor? Besides, it will help him remember pain! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Link: I CAN FEEL MY LEGS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: O_____O Dude. Are you, like, part demon?  
  
Impa: O__o;; Maybe.  
  
Link: MY TORSO!!! MY BEAUTIFUL TORSO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda: I think I have a better way. Let him down.  
  
Link: MY EYES SEE NOTHING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: Alright. Spoil sport.  
  
(Five minutes later)  
  
Link: OH THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for letting me down from that horrible place!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: Don't thank me. I wanted to add Moblins to the mix!  
  
Zelda: Link, this is for you. (Passionately kisses Link)  
  
Link: O_____O  
  
Zelda: So? Do you remember anything?  
  
Link: Am I supposed to?  
  
Zelda: Oh for the love of- Nothing's working!  
  
Link: You guys are really weird. And this whole situation's totally flawed! I mean, even without this 'Triforce' thingamajig, why would mortal enemies stop fighting? And why didn't Ganon just try to take over while I was unconcious all those times?!?!? And who's this UltrafanX guy anyway? Where'd he come from!?!?!?!  
  
UX: He knows too much! Get him!!! (Knocks Link unconscious with a blast from a tranquilizer gun) The deed is done! (Flies away through the roof)  
  
Ganon: Is it just me, or does is he making more appearances in the chapter than he did in the last two?  
  
Zelda: Chapter?  
  
Ganon: O___O;;; Uh, never mind!  
  
Link: (Is now conscious again) Ow! My head hurts! And my job as a hero is unrewarding!  
  
Ganon: Link! Are you Link again, or are you the other Link?  
  
Link: Wha?  
  
Zelda: Don't mind him! Link, do you remember who you are?  
  
Link: Even more than I normally do. Like you kissing me and me being hung over a tank of Octoroks!  
  
Zelda: O__o; Uh, right. Do you remember your plan?  
  
Link: O__o Plan? What plan?  
  
(Everyone in the room facevaults)  
  
Ganon: (Grabs Link by the collar) YOUR PLAN TO LET US FIGHT!!!!!!! NOW DO YOU REMEMBER, OR DO I HAVE TO SMACK YOU AROUND LIKE I'VE DONE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE?!?!?!?!  
  
Link: Oh yeah! The plan! ^__^ I remember now!  
  
Zelda: (sarcastically) Hallelujah.  
  
Impa: So what's your plan? Spill it, Hero-Man.  
  
Link: You see, I know a guy with REALLY HUGE ears and a goofy grin on his face, who has tons of masks!  
  
Zelda: That's your plan! That sucks!  
  
Ganon: Yeah. I mean, unless we're having some kind of crazy dress-up, fashion battle. Which, in its own right, would be really cool!  
  
Everyone: O___________o  
  
Ganon: O___O;;; Uh, never mind!  
  
Link: No! I mean, they're masks, but they're really powerful! They can turn you into stuff, and one of them's the ultimate evil in certain places Ganon's never been to.  
  
Ganon: Yeah, they're called DisneyLands! HAHAHA!!! I crack me up!  
  
Zelda: You know, this just might work.  
  
Impa: Link! You found a brain!  
  
Link: Thanks! (Realizes he was insulted) HEY!  
  
Impa: Uh, Just kidding! O__o;;  
  
Zelda: Well, come on! The longer we wait, the longer we have to get along!  
  
Link: Oh, by the way, this guy kinda lives in another demension. That cool with you guys?  
  
Zelda: Well, I guess so.  
  
Ganon: I go to other demensions on a regular basis. Bring it on!  
  
Link: Very well! To Termina we go!  
  
Impa: Hey, who's gonna explain all this destruction to the king?  
  
Link,Zelda,&Ganon: O____________________O;;;;;;; RUN FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The three run away from the castle)  
  
UX: Well, it looks like Link and his posse are on there way to the magical land of Termina! Will they be able to use the powers of the Happy Mask Salesman's masks to finally have their super-cool battle to the death? Not if I can stop them, and trust me, I can stop them! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Camomon: Actually we CAN stop them, we just don't want to.  
  
UX: Don't worry, though, loyal fans. This fic won't be stopping any time soon!  
  
Camomon: We've also managed to contain Tingle, the loud-mouthed fairy! He won't be bothering anyone else any time soon!  
  
(A lot of long yelling and cursing is heard coming from a pet carrying case, which is then kicked out of view by UltrafanX)  
  
UX: By the way, I would like to thank the Incredible Hulk for his guest shot in my fic during my Incredible Writer's Block! Also, I give my regards and a ham to the window Hulk.  
  
Camomon: You are not the first to have lost a loved one to Ganon's GIGANTIC feat.  
  
UX: To get in touch with other's who have been crushed by Ganon, call 1-800- 768-7433. Or 1-800-SMUSHED! (Note: Not a real number. Not YET, at least. But someday, maybe. Oh well, a man can dream.)  
  
Camomon: And now, WE MAKE PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Everyone begins to dance around crazily)  
  
UX: Thank's for reading! Remember to R&R, or Crazy Monkey's will attack you and gnaw at your bones! Just kidding! ^__^ Or is I?  
  
Camomon: No, you aren't.  
  
UX: O____O Oh. Okay then!!!  
  
(Pet Carrying case makes more noise from off-screen) 


	4. A Nonsensical Trip to Termina

Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda or any related logos. They are property of the Nintendo Corporation and its creator, Shigeru Myamoto. Although I DID beat The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker today!!! Hooray for me! Party Time!! (A bunch of ballons and streamers fall from the ceiling as party music begins playing)  
  
UX: Friends, Hylians, Fellow Writers, and that guy who lives by the bus Depo-  
  
Guy who lives by bus Depo: YEAH! Someone noticed me!  
  
UX: Lend me your ears! Welcome back to this work of side-splitting hilarity!  
  
Camomon: You mean we're NOT reading your fic today?  
  
UX: Why you little-  
  
We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please Stand By (Screen shows comical picture of Cat hanging by clothesline with the Phrase "Hang in There, Baby" written above)  
  
UX: Sorry about that! We had a little trouble with-  
  
Camomon: You son of a-  
  
(Shows cat again)  
  
UX: You little Mother F-  
  
(Show cat yet again)  
  
Camomon: (Now evolved to his mega form, Dracamon) Why I oughta!  
  
(Cat)  
  
(Camera is now tilted on side and shows UX and Dracamon fighting to the death)  
  
(For the love of Zelda, STOP SHOWING THE FRIGGIN CAT, YOU LITTLE SO-)  
  
Producers: We are sorry. Those responsible for handling technical difficulties are experiencing Technical, and Mental, Difficulties of there own. In place of an opening monalouge, we are displeased to present this stock footage. Enjoy.  
  
(Screen now shows random shots of Link getting beaten by Cuccos, with an opening title screen, ATTACK OF THE CHICKENS!!!!)  
  
Link: Ahhhh!!!! Bad Cuccos!!!!! Stop!!!! Please?? I'll give you birdseed!!!! Ouch!!! Or people food!!! I can get you people food!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Is buried under pile of rampaging Chickens)  
  
The End  
  
UltrafanX Corporation XXI (I don't know what that means, but it look cool! ^__^)  
  
Producers: We now return you to your regularly scheduled ficcy!  
  
Lost Woods, 5:30 AM  
  
(The 'gang' is now searching through the Lost Woods, looking for the portal Link used to get to Termina in Majora's Mask in a vain attempt to use the Happy Mask Man's masks to have let Ganon and Link fight without the Triforce)  
  
Zelda: Link,are you sure you remember the way to Termina? I mean, it has been a while since you were there.  
  
Link: I know the way, you lazy bums! I just need to jog my memory a little. Let's see: First I beat Ganon-  
  
Ganon: I remember when that happened. I still have the scars!  
  
Link: Then I went back in time, then I appeared in the Kokiri Village without a fairy, stupid Mido!  
  
???: Link? Is that you?  
  
Ganon: WOOD NYMPHS!!!! HIDE ME, HIDE ME!!!! They're still after me for the time I told them I stole their souls!!!! (Hides behind Zelda)  
  
Link: ME TOO!!!! HIDE MEEEE!!!!!! (Also hides behind Zelda)  
  
Zelda: Oh for the love of Benjy! Excuse me? 'Wood Nymphs'? I'm sorry my friends annoyed you! Could you please stop scaring the hell out of us?  
  
???: I'm not a wood nymph! Well, I sort of am, but that's besides the point! (Emerges from bushes to reveal herself as... Saria! Link's Kokiri friend and sage of the Forest Temple)  
  
Link: O___O Oh, Saria! I thought it was a horrible forest dweller!  
  
Saria: Nope, just me. (Sees Ganon, or Big G as I like to call him) AHHH!!!! Ganondorf! Hide me! (Hides behind Zelda)  
  
Link: Ganondorf?!? AHHHHH!!!!! (Hides behind Zelda yet again)  
  
Zelda: Will you two calm down?!?! Ganon's friendly now! At least for the rest of the day.  
  
Ganon: (Is seen chopping the heads off random forest animals. Gives the two cowards a friendly wave and continues his slaughter)  
  
Saria: O___O Oh. Sorry about that. So, what bring you to this neck of the Lost Woods?  
  
Link: We're trying to find a portal to another demension I once accidentaly wondered into to obtain a collection of powerful masks so me and G can have a super-cool fight to the death!  
  
Saria: O___o Why don't you just use your Triforces?  
  
Zelda: (Hands Saria a copy of Day of the Triforce, Chapter 1)  
  
Saria: (Reads) Ooh, that's sucks!  
  
Ganon: So, you seen any portals, Missy, or do we have to get rough?  
  
Saria: I haven't seen any portals.  
  
Ganon: Are you sure, cause I was really hoping to have to get rough!  
  
Zelda: Ganon, stop threatening Link's friends!  
  
Saria: Right O___o;; "Friends" O___o;; And nothing more O___o;;  
  
(Suddenly, Kaepora Gaebora, the stoned bird, flies down and lands on a nearby branch)  
  
KG: Perhaps I can lead the way, my young friends.  
  
Ganon: Oh no, not this bastard again.  
  
Link: Do you know the way to Termina, Mr. Gepolo?  
  
KG: Maybe. Maybe not. The real question here is (Looks around suspiciously) You guys wanta get high?  
  
Zelda: Oh no! You ain't pushing any drugs on us! Not after that last time!  
  
Saria: Last time?  
  
Ganon: The bird told us that we could blur the passing of time with drugs, yet his products failed to deliver.  
  
Saria: Oh. You know, I could show you where the Kokiri weed stash is if you guys really wanta-  
  
KG: Hey kid, stay outta my territory!  
  
Saria: Kid! I find that offensive! Link, gimme your bow.  
  
Link: Uh, it's booked solid for the rest of the week.  
  
Saria: Oh Hell's bells!  
  
KG: So, you want some blow or not?  
  
Ganon: Now listen here, Mr. Gerola-  
  
KG: GAEBORA!!! KAEPORA GAEBORA!!!!!!!!!!! HOW HARD IS IT TO REMEMBER?!?!?!?!  
  
Ganon: Very hard. Anyway, Mr. Smith, we will not now, nor will we ever, require Crack, Weed, Cocaine, or any of your fine, fine smokables. Got that?  
  
KG: It's on sale!  
  
Ganon: Well...  
  
(Ten Minutes Later)  
  
Ganon: (Is wearing a tutu and a frilly hat) I'M THE MAGIC WOOD PIXIE!!! SPREADING SUNSHINE AND GUMDROPS WHERE EVER I GO!!!!!!!  
  
Link: (Also wearing a tutu) ME TOO!!!!!!!! I'M ALSO THE MAGIC WOOD PIXIE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Saria: (Starring at a squirrel) Hey! You talkin'to me? Are YOU talkin' to me? I don't see nobody else around, so you must be talkin' to me! That's it!!!!  
  
Zelda: (Is swaying back and forth) Dude. This is AWWWWWWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Five minutes later)  
  
Link: Ooh, my head!  
  
Zelda: I can't believe that stupid owl tricked us again!  
  
Ganon: And we barely wasted any time at all!  
  
Link: Plus, we didn't get to see any graphic nudity! (Both Saria and Zelda slap Link) Ouch! I stand by my dissapointed statement!  
  
Saria: You know, that stuff wasn't as good as he said it was. I'm going to bring his business up at the next Kokiri drug union meeting!  
  
Ganon: Yeah, well, I say the next time we see that stupid animal, we knock him out, throw him off a cliff, and then tar and unfeather him! Though not in that exact order.  
  
Link: I'm with you ALL the way! (Stands up) Now, where'd we park? (Falls into a random hole) AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Saria: Linkie! If you can hear us, yell AHHHH.  
  
Link: (Still falling) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: We better follow him! It must be the portal to Termina!  
  
Zelda: O___o That doesn't make sense! I mean, it could be the portal, but it could just as easily be a pit of rabid wolfos! Don't you understand that-  
  
(Ganon has already jumped through the mysterious hole)  
  
Ganon: Can't here ya, lassie!  
  
Zelda: -___- Oh well, looks like we'll have to follow them! (Jumps through hole)  
  
Saria: I hope this is one of the drug-inspired delusions! (Jumps after them)  
  
Zelda: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Lands on other side of hole) Hey! I made it!  
  
Saria: (Lands next to Zelda) Hey! Me too!  
  
Ganon: (Both of them landed on Ganon) We're glad for you, girls, but do you think you could get off of both of us!  
  
Link: (Is underneath all three of them) I can't feel anything anymore!  
  
(Everyone gets off Link and Ganon)  
  
Zelda: So where are we anyway?  
  
Link: (Looks around at his surroundings, which is the village of Clock Town. Looks at a sign next to them which says, "Welcome to Clocktown") I have no idea.  
  
Skullkid: (Walks by the group) Hey Link. O____O LINK!!!!!! Hey, you came back!  
  
Zelda: Link, you know this creature?  
  
Link: Creature? This is the skullkid, my evil friend!  
  
Tatl: (Flying around Skullkid's head with Talon) EX-Evil friend.  
  
Tael: He went lagit after the whole causing the moon to crash thing.  
  
Ganon: You! Small wooden child and fairies! What name is given to this land?  
  
Skullkid: Uh, this land? Well, your in North ClockTown, just near the fairy fountain in-  
  
Zelda: He MEANS what world are we in?  
  
Skullkid: World? Uh, you're in Termina.  
  
Saria: Hey! We made it! We're alive!  
  
Ganon: AND we didn't get attack by wolfos!  
  
Link: Hey Skullkid! You know where the Mask dude is?  
  
Skullkid: Uh, I think his shop's near the clocktower. Come on, I can show you how to get there! (The whole group follows Skullkid around)  
  
Saria: So, what's the deal with this place? Is it some kind of parallel universe to Hyrule?  
  
Tatl: Balderdash! Even a child astro-physicist could tell you that Hyrule is Termina's parallel universe! You guys are ripping us off!  
  
Zelda: Oh yeah! Says who?  
  
??? (Not the same ??? as Saria, though): Says I! (Shadowy figure is revealed as, duh duh duh, THE HAPPY MASK SALESMAN!!!!!!)  
  
Link: Hey, Happy Man! What up, dawg?  
  
Skullkid: Hey boss! I got you a couple of suckers, er, customers!  
  
Happy Mask Salesman: Excellent work, my little friend! (Gives him a tiny leather pouch)  
  
Zelda: You work for him?  
  
Skullkid: If by 'work' you mean he gives me free crack in return for bringing in customers, then yes!  
  
Ganon: We were told you held super-powerful masks which could be used for a fight to the death! Can you supply us with such masks?  
  
HMS: Oh, that I can!  
  
Zelda: Perfect! We'll take your two most powerful, violent, and evil masks!  
  
HMS: Very well! That will be five-billion rupees!  
  
Link: Wonderful! Zelda, pay the man.  
  
Zelda: O___O I don't have any rupees. I spent all my money on drugs.  
  
Link: Ganon, you got any dough?  
  
Ganon: I told you in Chapter Two, NO!  
  
Saria: Chapter?  
  
Link: Well I don't have any money. Saria, SK, fairies?  
  
Saria: Kokiri's don't believe in currency. Okay, we do, I'm just broke! Happy?  
  
Skullkid: And we're hobos!  
  
HMS: I'm sorry. But I can't give such powerful masks to those not willing to pay me huge amounts of cash!!!  
  
Link: Hey, I thought those masks were too dangerous to give to anyone!  
  
HMS: All the more reason NOT to give them to you! He-he!  
  
Zelda: Hmm, this could be difficult. Triforce huddle!! (Zelda, Ganon, Link, Saria, Skullkid, and the fairies get into a huddle, but Saria, Skullkid, and the fairies get tossed out) I said TRIFORCE HUDDLE!!!!  
  
Saria: That is so unfair!  
  
Skullkid: Yeah! We have feeling too! (Ganon gives him some leftover crack) But I can suppress them!  
  
Link: Okay, what's our plan?  
  
Ganon: I DO have a plan, but it will involve being sneaky, conniving, playing dirty, and possibly witchcraft! You in?  
  
Zelda: On any other occasion, No. But today, I'll make an exception!  
  
Link: Yeah! Let's stick it to the man!  
  
Ganon: Excellent! Okay, here's the plan! (Inaudible whispers) And then, (More inaudible whispers)  
  
Saria: Oh boy! It looks like they're up to something!  
  
Skullkid: Yeah, but what?  
  
Tatl: Look's like well have to wait till the next chapter to find out!  
  
Tael: Chapter?  
  
Tatl: O___O;;;; Uh, never mind!  
  
(Back at UltrafanX Psychadelic Headquaters)  
  
UX: (Is very beat up) Uh, sorry about that, folks! Camomon and I had a bit of a misuderstanding.  
  
Camomon: (Also beat up) Yeah. But we're better now, and all ready to start the new chapter!  
  
Stage Hand: (Whispers something from off-stage)  
  
Camomon&UX: O_________O Uh, we knew that!  
  
UX: Anyway, er, tune in next time for the next chapter of Day of the Triforce! Er, something.  
  
Camomon: Yeah, and, uh, review! I guess.  
  
Computer: Code Magenta!! Tingle has escaped!! This is not a drill!!! Repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!!!! 


	5. OniGanon and MajoraLink?

Disclaimer: Read previous four chapters for proper disclaimer. Oh, you don't want to have to go back a chapter to read the disclaimer, huh? Too lazy, huh? So lazy that you can't even move the mouse icon onto the little "Back" button, eh? Well, me too. In fact, maybe I'm too lazy to write the new chapter. Yeah, maybe I don't 'feel' like it! Maybe I'll just write a bunch of gibberish! How'd you like that, huh?  
  
WAIT! Please don't go! I'll be good! I'll write! I don't own The Legend of Zelda or any related logos. Is that better, master?  
  
UltrafanX: Hi everybody! It's me, the Ultimate Master of Fandom, back from an incredibly long vacation!  
  
Camomon: (Looks up from reading current issue of Nintendo Power) Huh? You were gone?  
  
UX: Yes I was! But now I'm back with a new chapter of my Zelda Humor fic, DAY OF THE TRIFORCE! Bam!  
  
Camomon: Why do you say 'bam' so much?  
  
UX: Would you believe I took stand-up classes from Emeril? Anyway, when last we left off, Link and co, on their way to the happy mask salesman, met up with Saria and the Skull kid, who decided to tag along for awhile!  
  
Camomon: Unfortunately for them and good for us, the mask salesman refused to sell them any masks because they spent all there money on drugs!  
  
UX: This would be a good time remind everyone out there that drugs are wrong. They cost too much and don't get you nearly as high as they say they will!  
  
Camomon: To get high efficiently for less money, we suggest Dry-Erase Markers, Magic Powders, or even just Video Games.  
  
(Note: Ultrafan's and Camomon's views on drugs do not reflect those of the Fanfiction.Net community, who do not see getting high as 'trippy' or 'far out')  
  
UX: Stupid disclaimers! Show me how to write Fanfiction, huh? CAMOMON! Send them... The box!  
  
Camomon: T-the box?! Right away, sir! (Picks up an evil looking box with lots of skulls and crossbones, toxic signs, and the words "EVIL" written on it) Say, what's in this box anyway?  
  
UX: Lets just say inside that box is the one flaw in the otherwise perfect game, The Legend of Zelda, the Wind Waker.  
  
(Inside of the box is none other than, dum dum dum, BOB, THE ANNOYING SNOT- NOSED KID!!! Aha-ha-ha!!!)  
  
UX: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Camomon: Uh, anyway, why don't we check in with Link and the rest of the Zelda Crew, who have already formulated an insidious- no, evil- no, STUPID! That's the word! A stupid plot to get the masks!  
  
UX: Let's watch!  
  
South Clock Town, 7:15 AM  
  
(The Zelda crew is now peering at the Happy Mask Shop from behind a corner as Ganondorf explains his plan to them)  
  
Ganon: -and after that, we run for it. Everyone got that?  
  
Skull kid: I like my part!  
  
Zelda: Ganon, this plan will never work! It's broad daily! Shouldn't we at least wait till cover of dark?  
  
Ganon: Who's the thief, here?  
  
Link: You are, sir!  
  
Ganon: That's better!  
  
Saria: Fair enough, but what's the point of the cow?  
  
Ganon: Oh that's the beautiful part! We don't need it!  
  
Zelda: Then why is it there?  
  
Ganon: Thievery's an art. An equal to writing and sculpting. Any person you drag off the street will tell you that!  
  
Zelda: Fine, fine, keep the damn cow!  
  
Ganon: Okay, ready? Synchronize watches!  
  
Saria: I don't have a watch.  
  
Link: I have an internal clock. Does that count?  
  
Ganon: Oh forget it.  
  
South Clock Town, 7:23 AM  
  
(As the Happy Mask Man is minding his shop, Saria, disguised in a trench coat and hat and standing on Zelda's shoulders, walks up to the shop)  
  
Zelda: (Whispering) Why do you get to be the head?  
  
Saria: For once in my life I'm tall! Don't take that away from me!  
  
HMS: (Confused) Can I help you?  
  
Saria: (In high voice) Hello sir! My name is Miss Dee Straction!  
  
HMS: And what can I do for you, Miss Distraction?  
  
Saria: HE KNOWS!!!! RUN AWAY!!!  
  
Zelda: (Whispering) Calm down!  
  
Saria: (In high voice again) Uh, sorry about that! Paranoia. I have that a lot.  
  
HMS: As do I! So, what can I help you with?  
  
Saria: (High voice) I was wondering if I could by a hat here?  
  
HMS: Um, this is a mask shop. The "Happy Mask Shop". I can sell you no hats.  
  
Saria: (High voice) WAIT! I have, uh, other things! You got hammers?  
  
(As Saria distracts the Happy Mask man, Link and Ganon, dressed in black, sneak past the Mask dude and get to his mask collection)  
  
Link: (Whispering) Okay, well both grab a bunch of masks at random and then run. Got it?  
  
Ganon: (Nods)  
  
(They do just that and then signal to Saria)  
  
HSM: For the last time, ma'am WE DON'T HAVE ANY-  
  
Saria: (High voice) I'm sorry! We have to be going! Good bye! (Runs away as fast as someone standing on someone else's shoulders can. As they do, a cow suddenly falls on the Happy Mask guy)  
  
Zelda: Gee, Saria, nice acting! I thought you said you'd won an academy award!  
  
Saria: Yes, the Kokiri's Screen Actor's Guild! Forest Sprites have remarkably bad acting skills. I'm actually quite good in certain circles.  
  
Zelda: Yes, well, this isn't one of those circles!  
  
Link: Jackpot! We got the masks!  
  
Skull kid: And I dropped a cow on him!  
  
Zelda: Hmm, all we need now is a place to use these masks where no one will get hurt.  
  
Ganon: But I want people to get hurt! It's the best part!  
  
Link: Or property damage! Death is fine, but we REALLY need property damage!  
  
Zelda: You guys are sick!  
  
Skull Kid: Well, you guys could fight out in Termina field. There's some property out there and there might even be a few people to squish! Plus, no one will see you using those stolen masks!  
  
Ganon: Wood boy has a point! Little girl, Green Skirt, Smarty, let's roll!  
  
Link: Uh, I wear a tunic. Not a skirt.  
  
Ganon: Whatever, Skirt boy.  
  
Link: I'm getting sick of his nicknames!  
  
Saria: Hey, the Mask Salesman isn't getting up. Should we go help him?  
  
Skull kid: It is the decent thing to do! (Ganon gives him a bag of crack) On the other hand, who gives a crap?  
  
(Later)  
  
(Ganon and Link are now staring each other down)  
  
Ganon: Well, Link, it appears that we'll finally be able to settle this dispute once and for all in a respectable manner.  
  
Link: Yes, quite.  
  
Ganon: Indeed.  
  
(Stand in silence for a moment)  
  
Link: Yo' goin' down, ol' man!  
  
Ganon: Bring it on, Motha'-  
  
Zelda: Will you two get on with it!  
  
Saria: Do they always take this long?  
  
Zelda: No, they're just showboating for the crowd.  
  
Link: Ready, Cannondork?  
  
Ganon: Bring it, Hero of Slime!  
  
Zelda: All right, you're both ready! Now let's get it on!  
  
(Ganon reaches into his bag of masks and puts on the fist mask he picks up, which turns out to be the bunny hood)  
  
Ganon: Well, this thing isn't fashionable that's for sure! (Runs up and hits Link with an upper cut, which he does at lightning speed, due to the mask) Screw fashion! This thing rules! (Begins to pummel Link at lightning speed)  
  
Link: Ow! OW!! Oh yeah? Ouch! Well, try this! (Takes out and puts on the stone mask, which makes him disappear)  
  
Ganon: What the- He's buggered off! I win! HAHAHA! (Is hit in the head) Ouch! (Is hit again) Ow! Who did that? Was it you, Zelda?  
  
Zelda: Don't look at me.  
  
Link: I'm invisible, ya loser.  
  
Ganon: Loser? I resent that! (Link kicks him between the legs) OO YEOOUCCCHHH!!!  
  
Link: HAHAHA!  
  
Ganon: Oh, yeah? Take this, Flower boy! (Takes off bunny hood and puts on Mask of Truth. Using its power, he is able to see Link, who is now sneaking around him)  
  
Link: Am I here? Or is it here? Or maybe I'm nowhere! HAHAHA! (Ganon punches Link in the face) OW! Stupid Gossip Stones!  
  
Ganon: Mwa-ha-ha! Now who's got the upper hand, boy!  
  
Link: (Takes off stone mask) Yeah well, try this on for size! (Takes out Great Fairies Mask)  
  
Ganon: HAHAHA!!! What's that ugly thing gonna do?  
  
Link: This. (Cause the earth to crack open with his awesome fairy powers. He then goes about summoning an entire army of fairies from the bowels of hell.) Get him, boys.  
  
Ganon: OO Meep! Good fairies. Nice fairies. Ouch! (Takes out Bremen's Mask and uses it to command fairies) Company Halt! Attack Skirt Boy!  
  
Fairies: Yes Sir! (Attack Link)  
  
Link: Tunic! It's a tunic! (Realizes Fairies are attacking) I mean, uh oh! (Takes out blast mask and uses it to blow up all the fairies) Ha!  
  
Ganon: Well, try this on for size! (Takes out Goron's mask. Using it transforms him into a Goron Ganondorf) A Goron? Great, like this day couldn't get any worse!  
  
Link: Ha! Now let's see what I've got! (Takes out Deku Mask, transforming him into Deku Link) Deku Link! I was hoping for- MEEP!!! (Runs our of the way of Ganon's foot)  
  
Ganon: Well, well, well. The shoe is on the other paw, now, Deku Boy!  
  
Link: Oh boy! (Begins to dodge Ganon's footsteps) I can't win with a mask like this! I got to use a new one!  
  
Voice in his Head: No you won't!  
  
Link: Yes I will! I have to!  
  
Voice: No. We can still win my precious!  
  
Link: Stop talking like that! I'm using another mask!  
  
Voice: No!  
  
Link: Yes!  
  
Everyone: (Looks awkwardly at Link, who is talking to himself)  
  
Link: Uh, I guess I should explain. You see the Deku, Goron, and Zora masks all have a mind of there own and-  
  
Voice: (Now talking through Link) And I'm sick of Green Boy hogging all the glory for my victories! I'm outta here! Screw you guys. I'm going home. (Suddenly, Deku Link splits from regular Link)  
  
Deku Link: OO  
  
Link: OO Dude, how'd that work?  
  
Deku Link: Hey, I'm free biatch! Tight! Later, Dawgs! (Walks away)  
  
Ganon: Well that was weird.  
  
Link: Yeah. (Slices Ganon with his sword)  
  
Ganon: Ow! Hey, no fair, it was time out!  
  
Link: It was?  
  
Ganon: Totally! I mean, you divided into to separate entities. If that doesn't count as time out, I don't know what does.  
  
Zelda: This is a battle to the bloody death, there are no time outs!  
  
Link: Good, then I can hit him again!  
  
Ganon: Oh, not again!  
  
Saria: Hey, Link. Since you lost your mask and Ganon's doesn't seem to be helping against you in your regular form, why don't you just finish the battle using your final masks?  
  
Link: Seems fair, even though it means I lose an advantage.  
  
Ganon: (Takes off Goron mask) Sound's good! I just hope the last masks aren't as wimpy as those last few.  
  
Deku Link: HEY! I find that offensive!  
  
Zelda: Why are you still here?  
  
Deku Link: I got lonely, so I decided to watch the rest of the fight! Go Link! Go Ganon! Somebody kill somebody! Woo!  
  
Saria: This kid is kind of creeping me out.  
  
Link: How do you think I feel? I had to mind meld with him!  
  
Deku Link: Hey, it was no picnic for me, either!  
  
Link: Uh, right. Now, let's fight!  
  
Ganon: (Takes out last mask in his bag, which is a transformation mask. After putting it on, his clothes are now white and black with lots of symbols like a Triforce and a crescent moon on them. The gem on his forehead is now gold and silver. His eyes are completely white, and he is wielding a double helix sword. That's right! He's become Oni-Ganondorf!)  
  
Link: OO HE got the Fierce Deity Mask? Then what'd I get!? (Puts on his mask, another transforming mask. When the transformation was over, Link was wearing a black tunic and hat. His skin was purple and his face had red and yellow markings on it. His face also had yellow spikes coming from it. His weapon was now a whip. Hide your children and say goodbye to your pets, cause here comes MAJORA-LINK)  
  
Deku Link: AHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Saria: I don't get it.  
  
Zelda: I don't think even he knows what he's laughing about.  
  
Deku Link: Yes I do! Sure I do! It's, uh, er, well... Hey Skull Kid, why am I laughing?  
  
Skull Kid: Uh, because Ganon got Link's most powerful mask and Link got the Ultimate Evil in mask form?  
  
Deku Link: Right! That' s what I was just about to say! And I'm still pissed off at you Skull Boy!  
  
Link: Well, this is confusing!  
  
Ganon: Let's just fight. I don't give a rat's ass about the masks, I just need to channel some rage!  
  
Link: 'Kay! (Attacks Ganon with his evil whip)  
  
Ganon: OO (Jumps out of the way and runs at Link with his sword)  
  
Link: Oh yeah? Well, try this! (Grabs the sword with his whip and hits Ganon in the head with it)  
  
Ganon: Ow! Grr! (Grabs Helix Sword and fires a blast of energy at Link with it)  
  
Link: Oh boy! (Is knocked onto the ground by the blast)  
  
Zelda: Oh my.  
  
Saria: That's it, Link! Keep dancing!  
  
Deku Link: What she said!  
  
Link: (Gets back up) All right, I learned this trick while fighting Majora! (Fires a barrage of blue energy blast at Ganon)  
  
Ganon: OO Oh crap! (Is knocked back onto the ground by the attack)  
  
Link: HA! Who else wants some? (Is knocked to the ground by a swipe of Ganon's Helix Sword)  
  
Skull Kid: You think they'll be done soon, I'm kind of hungry!  
  
Deku Link: Me too!  
  
Zelda: Calm down, guys. I'm sure the winner will be kind enough to buy breakfast.  
  
Ganon and Link: (Still fighting) What!?  
  
Zelda: You'll both do as you're told!  
  
Ganon: Yes, ma'am.  
  
Link: No fair!  
  
(Ganon and Link are now trading blows with Link's whip and Ganon's sword)  
  
Ganon: Hmm, it seems we are evenly matched.  
  
Link: Guess again, Pig-Man! (Begins to charge a giant ball of blue energy in his hand)  
  
Ganon: Oh yeah? Well, let's see if you can survive this? (Begins to charge a giant ball of red energy at the tip of his sword)  
  
Link: MAJORA'S WRATH!!! (Throws ball of energy)  
  
Ganon: ONI-STRIKE!!! (Fires ball of energy)  
  
(Just as the two blast of energy are about to meet, they suddenly stop in mid-air)  
  
Link: Hubba-Wha?  
  
Ganon: Que pasa?  
  
(The two energy blasts disappear into thin air. Suddenly, all the masks, including the ones Ganon and Link are wearing, fly into a bag)  
  
Ganon: Hey, what gives? I was just about to beat puny boy!  
  
Link: You wish!  
  
Zelda: (Nervously) Uh, guys? (Points to the person who is holding the bag, who is none other than the Happy Mask Man. He is covered in bandages and doesn't look very happy)  
  
HMS: (Looks angry as his eyes begin twitching)  
  
Link: Uh, he-he-he. You're probably wondering why we stole your masks and dropped a cow on you.  
  
HMS: GRRR!!!  
  
Ganon: Well, it's actually very funny. You see-  
  
HMS: LINK!!! GAN-ON!!!  
  
Ganon and Link: Uh, yes sir?  
  
HMS: Seeing as you've both stolen my masks, you're both going to have to be punished!!! (Looks over to Zelda, Saria, Skull Kid, and Deku Link, who are trying to escape) And that goes for you four, too!  
  
Deku Link: Oh Crap!  
  
Skull Kid: Crud!  
  
Saria: Crud, indeed.  
  
Zelda: Son of a Gerudo!  
  
Ganon: HEY!  
  
Zelda: Sorry.  
  
Hyrule, 9:25 AM  
  
(The group has now made it back to Hyrule and is walking back to Hyrule Castle)  
  
Link: Man, I can't believe we had to wash everyone of those masks! And I think he just made up the thing about how those giant, Aztec Statues were masks!  
  
Zelda: (Sarcastically) Well aren't we smart!  
  
Saria: Oh man, now I've got a criminal record! If Rauru finds out, he'll kick me out of the Sages! Maybe I could bake him some apology brownies! Made with some of my secret ingredients, of course.  
  
Deku Link: Can I have some?  
  
Saria: Yeah, whatever.  
  
Skull Kid: I got fired! Now how am I gonna get crack?  
  
Ganon: You could become my lackey!  
  
Skull Kid: No way! (Ganon gives him some crack) Okay!  
  
Zelda: Hey, I wonder why the Angry Mask Salesman didn't notice the Deku mask was gone?  
  
Deku Link: OO Uh, it's a mystery.  
  
Skull Kid: Oh please, the Mask Salesman couldn't give that thing away. It was depressing and turned people into monsters! What was good about?  
  
Deku Link: That's it, Skull-boy! Bring it on! (The two get into an all-out brawl)  
  
Link: Well, on the plus, we wasted a lot of time.  
  
Ganon: And besides being punished for Grand Theft Mask, nothing bad happened to us!  
  
Impa: Oh, there you guys are! I told the King you could explain why Ganon was here and why half of the castle was destroyed.  
  
Skull Kid: OO Uh, nice knowing you, Link, I gotta go!  
  
Saria: OO Yeah, I have to go bake those apology brownies!  
  
Deku Link: OO Uh, wait for me, Saria! I know a good recipe!  
  
Ganon: Oh sht!  
  
Zelda: Everything's come full circle, yet again.  
  
Link: SOMEONE PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY!  
  
UX: No way! Not with these ratings! (Flies away)  
  
Ganon: CURSE YOU, ULTRAFAN! (Is struck by lightning) I hate that guy.  
  
UX: Well, it looks like Link's plan, as originally thought, failed!  
  
Camomon: Huzzah! We're still in business!  
  
UX: Just another show of how crime doesn't pay. Actually, crime does pay, it's just the hours are bad.  
  
Camomon: And you aren't you own boss.  
  
UX: Now that the Link, Zelda, and Ganon have gotten along so far, will they be able to survive for the rest of the day, or will they go mad?!  
  
Camomon: Uh, they probably won't go mad.  
  
UX: Yeah, but the audience doesn't know that.  
  
Camomon: Oh yeah. He-he! =)  
  
UX: Well, to find out if your favorite Zelda character makes it through the day, keep reading Day of the Triforce!  
  
Camomon: Please Review! We love reviews. Not flames, though. Flaming us will only result in a horse head being put in your bed! MWAHAHA! 


End file.
